What is Domestic Violence
Domestic Violence is physical, sexual, economic, or psychological abuse directed towards one's spouse, partner, or other family member within the household.
Domestic violence can happen to anyone, regardless of age, economic status, race and educational background.
Physical violence
Physical violence is the intentional use of physical force with the potential for causing injury, harm, disability, or death, for example, hitting, shoving, biting, restraint, kicking, or use of a weapon.
Sexual violence
Use of physical force to compel a person to engage in a sexual act against their will, whether or not the act is completed.
Psychological/ Emotional violence
Threats of physical, psychological or sexual, or social violence that use words, gestures, or weapons to communicate the intent to cause death, disability, injury, physical, or psychological harm.
Psychological/ emotional violence involves violence to the victim caused by acts, threats of acts, or coercive tactics. Psychological/ emotional abuse can include, but not is not limited to, humiliating the victim, controlling what the victim can and cannot do, withholding information from the victim, deliberately doing something to make the victim feel diminished or embarrassed, isolating the victim from friends and family, and denying the victim access to money or other basic resources.
Economic abuse
Economic abuse is when the abuser has complete control over the victim's money and other economic resources. Usually, this involves putting the victim on a strict 'allowance', withholding money at will and forcing the victim to beg for the money until the abuser gives them some money. It is common for the victim to receive less money as the abuse continues. This also includes preventing the victim from finishing education or obtaining employment.
Spiritual Abuse
Spiritual abuse includes using the spouse’s or intimate partner’s religious or spiritual beliefs to manipulate them and preventing the partner from practicing their religious or spiritual beliefs.
- Family violence is confined to the lower classes
- Battered women must did something wrong to make their husbands angry.
- Alcohol and drug abuse are the real causes of violence.
- Battered wives like being hit, otherwise they would leave
- Children are not affected if they do not see the violent incidents.
The FACTs are
- Perpetrators and victims of domestic violence come from all ethnic backgrounds, socioeconomic classes, religious affiliations, professions, and ages. Domestic violence knows no boundaries.
- Whether decide to remain with their abusive partners or leave, it is important to plan for safety.
- Children in homes where domestic violence occurs are physically abused or seriously neglected at a rate of 1500% higher than the national average.
Safety is the most important thing. Listed below are tips to help keep you safe.
If you are in an abusive relationship, think about...
- Having important phone numbers nearby for you and your children. Numbers to have are the police, hotlines, friends and the local shelter.
- Friends or neighbors you could tell about the abuse. Ask them to call the police if they hear angry or violent noises. If you have children, teach them how to dial 911. Make up a code word that you can use when you need help.
- How to get out of your home safely. Practice ways to get out.
- Safer places in your home where there are exits and no weapons. If you feel abuse is going to happen try to get your abuser to one of these safer places.
- Any weapons in the house. Think about ways that you could get them out of the house.
- Even if you do not plan to leave, think of where you could go. Think of how you might leave. Try doing things that get you out of the house - taking out the trash, walking the pet or going to the store. Put together a bag of things you use everyday (see the checklist below). Hide it where it is easy for you to get.
- Going over your safety plan often.
If you consider leaving your abuser, think about...
- Find places you could go if you leave home.
- People who might help you if you left. Think about people who will keep a bag for you. Think about people who might lend you money.
- Keeping change for phone calls or getting a cell phone.
- How you could take your children with you safely.
- Putting together a bag of things you use everyday. Hide it where it is easy for you to get.
Items To Take, If Possible
- Important papers for you and your children (such as: Birth certificates, social security cards, medical records, bankbooks, credit cards, driver's license, passports, green cards, work permits, divorce papers, custody orders, etc.
- Items for your children (toys, blankets, etc.)
- Pictures, jewelry, things that mean a lot to you
If you have left your abuser, think about...
- Your safety - you still need to.
- Getting a cell phone. HAVEN may be able to provide you with a cell phone that is programmed to only call 911. These phones are for when you need to call the police and cannot get to any other phone.
- Getting an Order of Protection (OP) from the court. Keep a copy with you all the time. Give a copy to the police, people who take care of your children, their schools and your boss.
- Changing the locks. Consider putting in stronger doors, a security system and outside lights.
- Telling people who take care of your children the names of people who are allowed to pick them up. If you have a OP protecting your children, give their teachers and babysitters a copy of it.
- Telling someone at work about what has happened. Ask that person to screen your calls. If you have a OP that includes where you work, consider giving your boss a copy of it and a picture of the abuser. Think about and practice a safety plan for your workplace. This should include going to and from work.
- Not using the same stores or businesses that you did when you were with your abuser.
- Someone that you can call if you feel down. Call that person if you are thinking about going to a support group or workshop.
Abusers try to control their victim's lives. When abusers feel a loss of control - like when victims try to leave them - the abuse often gets worse. Take special care when you leave. Keep being careful even after you have left.
